Friday, November 4, 2011

I Haven't Perished, I Promise!

First, I must apologize for being absent for so long. I have no excuses other than being pregnant started to be difficult and then ta da! I had a baby and it's been busy and hectic ever since.

In the last few weeks of pregnancy I wound up in the hospital on five separate occasions. Once for excruciating stomach pain, once for false labor, then bleeding (that was fun), sky-high blood pressure and the last visit for false labor again. I gave birth via c-section to a bouncing baby boy at 38 weeks. He's perfectly healthy and growing like a weed (and also now three months old).

My sweet daughter adjusted well to the baby and took him in stride, but got swallowed up by the terrible twos and is being quite obnoxious to me. She's great with her little brother but mommy is public enemy number one these days. It makes me tired.

Also? I have issues.

I had the baby blues really bad after having my daughter. I expected it to hit me again after having my son, but they never came. I didn't have any weepy episodes or soaring emotions. Well, except one. Two months into this crazy thing we call new motherhood, I became angry all the time. Never at the baby, but my husband, daughter and dog were victims of my raging anger issue.

I'd be perfectly fine, then something would set me off and I'd be yelling and fuming, stressed to the max and feeling very anxious. I have to apologize to everyone who's ever had any postpartum issues. Like Santa and M&Ms, they do exist. I turned to the internet for help and realized right away I didn't have PPD. The symptoms didn't fit. I gave up for a while and continued struggling in daily life. Then I looked up anger as a symptom of PPD and I had my answer - postpartum stress disorder/syndrome. One website called it postpartum adjustment being that it usually strikes due to stresses of an addition to the family and hormones.

My hormones? Are crazy and not apparently very forgiving of a c-section. I made an appointment with the doc and decided that I would take pills or anything he suggested to get a modicum of my life back to normal while my hormones sorted themselves out. Over that week of waiting to see the doc, my body started to finally sort things out. I've had moments of anger, but they pass quickly. The biggest news is my other emotions are coming back. Instead of feeling either numb or angry, I'm feeling a whole litany of feelings now.

At the doc appointment, he prescribed a mild antidepressant to help me until my hormones return to normal. I'm terrified of taking it while nursing so I haven't, but the funny thing is, I haven't been feeling like I need a pill to calm down. Maybe knowing it's available to me is helping.

In the meantime, I'm really enjoying my children. My days are extremely busy, but filled with good stuff and light.


Mrs. Higrens said...

Glad you are alive and kicking...even if run off your feet!

Sorry you had to go through so much to get where you are now.

And, just to be greedy, where's the picture of your surely handsome little guy?

OperatorGirl said...

Thank you.

The war isn't won yet, but I'm battling away here. I'll get there eventually.

I'll put a pic up soon and do the birth story. Soon as I find that pesky camera cord.